Buck Up

Thanksgiving break was good for multiple reasons, one being I was able to add to my sneeze list! How exciting. There just is nothing quite like a good sneeze.

Working list of things that make me sneeze to the max:

  • Drinking wine
  • Listening to Ozzy Osbourne
  • Dust- HARDCORE

I learned about the Ozzy one this break, good to know. I also drank a lot of wine. So, I sneezed a lot the last 5 days, and probably freaked my heart out a bit.

ALSO, I created a new system of thinking. Here’s how this went down:

For some reason I was listening to DMX and realized I knew far too many of his lyrics and couldn’t relate to any of them…well, maybe that one about the lawnmower next to the tree or something. But, besides THAT I’m not an angry enough person to relate to X on any level. After all, Thanksgiving reminds us how good we all have it. So, while I was in the thankful spirit and my belly was full of soul food, I turned to Missy. The one, the only: Missy Elliott. The highest authority on female bad-assery. It’s much better to be bad ass than angry. Simply put, everyone should take a little lesson from Missy and buck up. Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves, let’s love ourselves (reference “I’m Really Hot”– soooo ballin). From now on it’s just WWMD? (What Would Missy Do?). Thanks much Missy!

 

ALSO, I regained my love of acrostics!

 

T- Turkey…and lots of it

H- Hugs…and lots of them

A- Am I slurring my words already?

N- NOT watching football

K- Killer sales

S- Serious weight gain

G- Green bean casserole- such an underappreciated dish.

I- I’m gonna be eating Turkey sandwiches for a week!

V- Violence! Black Friday!

I- Indians are FRIENDS

N- Nap time- Damn you, Tryptophan!

G- Gobble, Gobble, Gobble

 

ALSO, I remembered my backyard at home looks like a scene out of Tuck Everlasting. Water spring of everlasting life where you at?

 

Jammies

Today it was beautiful in Boston, I only wore a t shirt! That’s it! Well, I’m mean other clothes too, but NO jacket or scarf or any other means of maintaining warmth. It’s been pretty frigid lately and I have been toying with the idea of getting footed pajamas for a couple reasons:

  • They are super comfy
  • They provide for ultimate warmth keeping my toes nice and toasty
  • They will decrease travel time in my apt. I can just SLIDE from room to room.
  • I can laugh at myself whenever I look in the mirror, therefore upping daily smile count!

BUT then I found this picture and immediately decided it wasn’t a good idea. Now, I’m just  creeped out and regret even considering this option. Epic fail.

Speaking of epic fails, my brother recently introduced me to the People of Walmart. Oh dear. The theme song to this site should be “Nasty Girl” by Destiny’s Child. If you aren’t familiar with the song, get familiar with it. Genius lyrics. It sums up all emotions when perusing endless pages of the most disturbing people I have ever seen.

Sleazy put some clothes on, I told ya
Don’t walk out ya heezy without clothes on, I told ya
You nasty girl, you nasty you trashy- Destiny’s Child

Back to pajamas….actually slippers, a MUCH better topic. I’m now reconsidering toe warmth and think these are the best option. They are the ugliest thing on the planet, but I bought them for my grandma last year and she has raved about them ever since. I just can’t ignore rave reviews from grandmas, I respect my elders.

Keep warm, Boston!

Who ever knew such hullaballoo?

Ever wonder what the days of the week would be like if they took human form? Kind of like that really annoying song from the 90’s about God being one of us, except what if MONDAY was one of us? I spent some time pondering this most serious matter and came up with some possibilities… for my week anyway. Your humanized form of Monday IMG_3557could be the archenemy of mine. Here’s what I got (besides lovin).

  • Sunday– Would most definitely take a humanized form of someone like my Grandma Nellie who I only picture sitting in her rocking chair and knitting while watching golf on tv. That woman could, and would knit anything. Even shopping bags. Sunday would be an old woman just hanging out in a bathrobe, always.
  • Monday– Hmmbaby lobster… tough one. Monday would be a baby of some kind. A baby dressed as a lobster, more specifically.  Monday means its back to the grind, and sometimes it feels like you are being shoved into a pot of boiling water. Not actually, but this is what happens to lobsters. Point is, sometimes Mondays are like a slap in the face. Monday is a lobster baby trying to make it in this wild, wild world.

  • Tuesday– No question this day would be an angry old man with a top hat and Harry Potter glasses. Tuesday probably has a thick British accent too. As of recent, Tuesdays have become long monotonous days where all I want to do is make this old man face. That is a hard face to make in public, I do my best though. If I saw Tuesday in real life, I would take him out for a drink…or three.angry old personwednesday addams
  • Wednesday– Wednesday Addams, obviously.

  • Thursday– This day would be Lindsay Lohan. She’s always thirsty, and so is Thursday. Therefore, Lindsay MUST be Thursday.

lindsey drannkkin

  • Friday– Fridays are wacky, just like Willy Wonka. Gene Wilder Wonka, not Johnny Depp Wonka. Yeah, definitely Wilder. willy wonka

denzel

  • Saturday– This is a motivation day. Productivity at its finest! Saturday would be someone like Denzel Washington in Remember The Titans. I would listen to anything that man said, especially if The Temptations were playing as my life soundtrack.

Well there you have it, my week in human form! What a relief to finally have this all figured out.  Feels like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders. You should do this too. That way, you can pass people on the street and think to yourself, “She is such a Thursday.” Maybe not, that doesn’t sound as fun as I imagined. Whatever, just humanize your week for pure amusement! It’s fun, I swear.

Animal Simile Game!

Study habits are something I seem to have lost this semester. Kinda like that necklace from 8th grade you lent to your friend and want to wear months later only to realize that, that baby is gone forever (Ahem, Stephanie cough cough.)

ANYWAY, I’m over the necklace (complete lie).

So, whenever I get ready to study it takes a good 20 minutes to decide my *study music*. I have known since forever that I can ONLY study to music with no words, hence the numerous jazz albums on my itunes. But, for some foolish reason I convinced myself I could do otherwise. NOPE. A live Bob Marley & The Wailers cd that I picked up at a flea market for a dollar was the declared *study music.* Gotta get my dollars worth, right? I read about 1.24 pages before my attention was completely gone, sorry business textbook- a soothing Jamaican voice is just more appealing. The next logical thing was to, obviously, look up fun facts about animals while jamming out. My thought process here included this screwed up version of rationalization- Look up weird facts about animals because I want to learn, just not really about business. Did you know that a hippo can open it’s mouth wide enough for a 4 foot child to stand in? That’s 4 $5 foot longs at Subway! That’s $20 worth of sandwich to cover a hippo’s mouth! AND starfish don’t have brains, heartbreaking. The scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz and a starfish would be great friends.

That got me thinking about animal similes and how completely ridiculous, yet amazingly fun they are. BUT, most of them are so generic and only highlight typical animals like birds, bees, dogs, and foxes. COME ON, the world is filled with so many fantastic animals that deserve to be compared to adjectives just like the rest! Don’t hate. Since when do birds and bees get to sit at the cool table at lunch? Not in my school. I took a stab at this whole animal simile thing to spread the love to some of our less appreciated species. I’m sure these similes will spread like wildfire.

  • As embarrassed as a giant salamander- those things are ugly- I’d be embarrassed looking like that too.Salamander
  • As confident as a giant coconut crab- no explanation necessary coconut crab
  • As slaphappy as a sun bear- that guy’s got the giggles, can’t ya tell? SunBear
  • As scared as a star nosed mole- this guy just straight up gives me the heebie- jeebies. star nosed mole
  • As Ambivalent as an Aye- Aye lemur- I bet you didn’t even know this guy exists! He does, and now is forever associated with ambivalence, you’re welcome. aye aye

OR

  • As nonchalant as a Narwhal- they just look so stress-free, even with swords sticking out of their face. narwhal

That was the most fun studying I’ve had in awhile. I very much recommend the Animal Simile Game. Point of the story, don’t EVER ask me for study tips, you’ll end up making Jello and watching it form for hours if it were up to me.